Reflections
by thesquiglet
Summary: Malcolm's writing letters to Trip - sort of - and Trip finds out and writes one of his own with a dash of help from Archer. TR slash. Dedication - To my wonderful friend Lauren (Ren) who has fought so much lately and keeps on doing so. She's been in and out of hospital like a squirrel on caffeine lately so this is for her.


**Like most of my fics, I'm not sure about this one. I don't even know _what_ it is. It sort of just came to me about an hour or two ago and I felt like it just had to be written and gotten out of my system. Now it is and I feel emotionally exhausted. **

**I'm re-watching ST:ENT at the moment and all the incredible fics that came along with it. My favourites were and still are Tucker and Reed - My lovely Disaster Twins' - because they were such intricate characters, the actors were superb and they worked effortlessly paired together - so I guess it was only natural that these two would be the main focus. Just didn't expect the romance to coincide with it.**

 **Oh and in case you haven't seen TATV (i.e the very last ep of ENT) then there's a spoiler at the very last bit but you can ignore that if you want to just like the episode. Let's be honest here, a lot of people did.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own them, just the sounds of my tears. All genius and ownership goes to the creator of ST - Gene Roddenberry and Enterprise itself to Rick Berman and Brannon Braga.**

 **Last AN: I cried writing this. Especially the last bit. Does that bode well?**

 _Dear Trip, I don't know what you're going to be expecting from this or from me but I thought I'd at least let you try. You most likely think I'm taking the cowardly route here - writing instead of talking to you face to face - but truth be told, I don't think I could ever pluck up enough courage to say half of what's written in this._

 _If I ever deliver this, that is._

 _I know you're happy that somehow throughout everything, we started to have each other and we saved some of what we lost however let's face it, we lost more than we care at the moment to let on and we quite possibly never will._

 _And if truth were to be told, I'm happy too. Insanely._

 _I just never pictured it would get this far between us, did you? Of course you would have, being ever the optimist. I just never envisioned it - this._

 _Christ, why am I even bothering with this?_

 _Commander Charles Tucker III, I want you to know that I...i told my family about us, precisely my mother and father, about everything we went through to get from there to here; less than a week ago I said that I was with you on Enterprise and had been for the last 2 years or so now - the first year notwithstanding of course - and they've yet to respond. They know I'm Bi. Or at least if anything they know now and yet no response to whether or not I'm happy. Thought they'd be quicker to reject me if I'm being completely honest with myself or maybe it's just another way for my father to punish me for taking up Starfleet instead of the Navy._

 _I never wished to have this distance and yet here it is in plain sight. A failure in his own right. A failure as a son and prodigy._

 _A second letter was sent to Madeline, God knows I want her appreciation, acceptance and consent. She looked out for me more than I think anyone else I know she'll send her love and tell you off if anything happens to me._

 _You'd be telling me off at this stage, wouldn't you. Tell me off for being so silly and fuss over 'Starfleet's finest and stuck up officer to ever grace Enterprise'. Maybe that's what I need, someone to help mend and pick up the broken pieces surrounding me. I know what else you'd say to do, call my parents instead of worrying myself sick if I wanted a response this quickly. Letters take up to three weeks and all that palava._

 _Maybe it is time to clear up some old wounds. In fact...I'll go do that now._

* * *

 _Trip,_

 _Seeing as the last letter I wrote to you helped, I thought I'd better try it again. I need some help and I don't know where to find it._

 _I don't know where to find the real living and breathing you._

 _So I guess this is the next best thing. Another letter which will be discarded with the first never having been given to you in the first place._

 _Parents; who needs them, right? Not I._

 _If only that were true._

 _I rang them, spoke to them about everything which had happened to us so far - obviously I left out some things i.e you being pregnant and us on Risa - but I told them about you in general, fact is maybe I couldn't stop because halfway through the phone call they happened to both pick up on it. Despite what they claim, I know it was right to follow Captain Archer aboard this ship, make friends like Hoshi and Liz, to meet Phlox and T'pol. To meet you. I know it was right to fall for you. And for you to return it in kind._

 _God that sounds cliche._

 _Father wasn't exactly thrilled to learn of his son seeing someone above his command structure or one that repaired things. Mother isn't impressed that it isn't someone from England who has a degree in something she wouldn't be able to spell. That you have an accent she would consider 'unprofessional'.So much for family not caring who you had so long as they treated you right._

 _I'm strong-willed as the next man but this takes the biscuit. Why shouldn't I be allowed to see you? Why should I look up to people who don't give a damn about me, who don't respect me?_

 _Who won't respect my partner?!_

 _But they're my parents and they know how to get at me. One of the reasons why the argument between Starfleet and Navy went on for so long, they used every single fault I had to get at me and not care if I was hurt or cried out - just that I took it like a man. They know every trick in the book. Moreover it doesn't change the fact that they'll use you to get at me - especially as I'm so fond of you now- and they could threaten to hurt you and I wouldn't want that for you in any case. I'd just have to take what they dished out._

 _It's just how long I can withstand it._

 _I could be chipping at the seams already and I wouldn't know until it was too late._

 _In fact, I think I am and it is._

* * *

 _Trip._

 _We've been through hell and back together but nothing could compare to this._

 _I..._

 _I'm sorry._

 _They got to me._

* * *

"Cap'n, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Trip. Er, come on in"

"Thanks"

"What do you want to speak to me about? Nothing up with the ship, is there?"

"No. It's about me...and Malcolm"

"Oh. Alright. Not having any problems are you?"

"God no, well yes but the problem isn't between the two of us, his parents though -"

"I'm not following "

"Coupla months ago, I found a letter. Handwritten on Malcolm's desk and he was toying with the idea of breaking up with me because his parents weren't happy who he picked as a partner"

"And? I imagine there's more to this then you're letting on"

"Yeah. He did try to break up with me. I told him no because next to you being my friend, cap'n and being on this ship as an engineer, he's too important for me to lose but not that I found his letters because it's obvious he doesn't want me to know about them but surely when I said no, it was a dead giveaway"

"Did you fight?"

"No but he was more vulnerable than I ever saw. But I do want to find some way of ending this. Some way of giving him peace and acceptance from his parents. Which by the way shouldn't have to be done in the first place!"

"Well, why aren't you responding to them if you feel so strongly"

"Didn't you just hear Jon? I want to but if I send a video, all that's gonna happen is me gettin' angry over nuthin'"

"This whole thing doesn't sound like nothing though Trip. It sounds like it's about to start affecting your work and now personal relationship and as a captain I can't have that spilling over. However as a friend, I don't care. I just want my friend to be happy. Why don't you do what Malcolm and his parents have been doing and send them a letter yourself? That way you have all feelings out in the open and you won't have had to lose your voice from screaming and hopefully Malcolm will understand why you did so"

"You're right about that, I wanted to do the letter but I wanted your opinion on it as well. I wish Malcolm saw the way we do is all, no one should treat their child how they do. Thanks as always Jon"

"You're the one who knew where to find me. You know I am happy that you've found someone Trip? Even if it wasn't who you expected it to be?"

"Sure I do Jon. And I'm glad you approve of us. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go write sumthin' important"

 _LINE BREAK_

 _Dear Mr and Mrs Reed._

 _You may be wonderin' why I'm sending you this. I would be._

 _This is just between us as well. He doesn't know that I'm sendin' this to you and when he will, I'm betting it won't be a pretty day for either of us. Hopefully he'll understand my viewpoint and why I've said what I've wanted to say for a while now but kept quiet out of respect but seeing as yours left, I figure mine might as well._

 _I just thought I'd let you in on a lil secret that I've kept to myself lately and seeing as it's a pretty big one which I've never been able to share before with no one but your kind selves, I'm hoping you can respect that. Here goes._

 _I don't think I like how you two treat your son. Who by the way I adore, just in case you didn't manage to figure that out for yourselves._

 _Malcolm Reed is one of the finest tactical and security officers in the whole of Starfleet and there is no one who I'd rather have at my side in the heat of battle which by the way this whole year has been so far. A battle, I mean._

 _Getting the man to open up in the first coupla months was hell on Earth but you could say I made that an extra mission for myself,_

 _Lemme tell you that my first thoughts of him were that he was a smug, self obsessed, reclused, stubborn, closed off bastard._

 _Then as time grew on having spent more time in each other's company, I discovered more than I thought I'd be able to. More than he thought or thinks he should have. He's a closed off person who doesn't let people in unless you prove you want to know him. Truth be told, he has good reasons as to why._

 _The man who was stubborn and self obsessed? - Just the protector in him to keep all of us on-board safe even if taking it to extremes once or twice. Wants us to be prepared for any situation. Any hostile alien or human, he'll fight em for us leading a team alongside._

 _The man who was reclused? - He was just shy and wanted people to notice he was around without screaming it from a rooftop. He's someone who I can go to, who I can trust._

 _The man who's so military it hurts? - That came from you and your attitudes which took me so long to break to get him to treat me like a friend on off hours._

 _He's got a wicked, dry sense of humour and an almost idiotic sense of self sacrifice. All to aid, help and protect a ship, it's crew and captain. I respect him for these decisions. I respect him not just as a Lieutenant but as himself._

 _He might even get promoted one day the way he goes on. Or at least I hope so._

 _He feels pain and loss too. He suffers. He wants to give a good impression both on and off duty. He feels just as much as any one of us does. Just as much as you do I expect - though maybe a little bit more._

 _An' you're rejecting him because of a family argument over which job is better because it's tradition not because you want to know whether he'll be happy in it sir?_

 _Ma'am, this doesn't feel right to say to a lady, least of all a lady whose the mom of whose son I happen to be going out with but I'd like to let you know that just because I don't have a fancy degree in something you can't pronounce or the fact I'm a southerner doesn't in any way mean I won't love your very wonderful and intelligent son any less than someone with those qualities would._

 _At this point assuming you've read this far, I'd like to let you know that Mal decided to try and break up with me two days ago. You're probably cheering at that but I refused. Not even when he begged me to do it with tears in his eyes, strong shields down and an empty vulnerable man left. No way was someone going to tear me away from someone that I treasure and care for very much just because his parents bullied and harassed him into doing so for the last three months or so and seeing as you're so keen to judge, why don't I tell you two a lil bit about myself and then you can judge on either one of us or both together._

 _My name is Charles Tucker the Third. I'm in my early thirties. I enjoy fixing things. I'm an engineer from Florida back in the Keyes and I love to surf. At the moment I am got my hands full with a Warp Five engine which needs looking after constantly and keeps us up in the air._

 _I come from a large family of Tuckers. I got brothers and sisters and parents, aunties and uncles and cousins who all support me. I got an unhealthy obsession with pecan pie._

 _Your son once asked if I thought how I saw him was like 'the eternal grim reaper' on a space shuttle in which we almost died. We once walked around Risa in just our underwear because we got conned. He's stuck his neck out for me. I've stuck out mine for him too. We're thick as thieves since then. We get stuck in trouble together quite a bit that we're now nicknamed 'the Disaster Twins._

 _I got put in Sickbay quite a bit, it's rare I'm ever out of it. Malcolm always visits me and makes an attempt to help. He makes me feel safe. Wanted. Always there with a quip and a smile. I appreciate it._

 _I appreciate Mal._

 _I wish you did too._

* * *

 _Trip,_

 _This is the last ever letter I'll be writing to you._

 _We've had so much time together and yet so little. And somehow all of it on our mission on Enterprise. Ten or more so years on. With a little beyond that. It's unfair that I didn't go first. God knows with all I've done, I'd have deserved it. Taken so young._

 _You were right about not splitting up. I never wanted us to but doubts reared their ugly heads. Either way I'm glad you didn't. I wouldn't have changed anything that happened in the world or rather in space._

 _I'd never have changed you. Not even when we first met. Not when we were on Shuttlepod One. Not even the argument we had about Elizabeth Tucker._

 _That's where they're going to send you, y'know. On Earth in Florida next to her. I put in a request for it which I think you'd have liked that. I had Captain Archer's input there as well you know, he was as dry eyed as me when we laid you down. I - we- know - knew - how fond you were of each other and it'll be easier for the family that way. Easier for me as well. I hope you'll miss me as much as I'll miss you._

 _My parents understood for the first time why I can't at the moment find anyone else. They understood that I loved you. They just seemed to understand for once. Maybe they knew that that could have been me lying there All that was down to you with that letter you sent them letting them mull over who they had in this world. And I never let you know how I felt about that so here goes;_

 _Thank you. I wished we could have had more time all the while relishing in the fact we took what we had and made the most of it._

 _Nothing's going to be the same really, is it?_

 _Not anymore._


End file.
